Lift Me Up

Everybody wants to achieve happiness.
It means different things to different people.
As an engineer at heart, I basically have a checklist of what constitutes happiness, at least for material happiness
a) to land a nice comfortable job which pays relatively well (tick)
b) to own a nice comfortable car to commute and bring around loved ones safely (tick)
c) to have a nice condo with a swimming pool in a good location (almost tick)
d) to travel the world especially europe in decky mode at least once (almost tick, will be tick when I get my RSU hahah)
e) the most important one- to have a companion to share all my happiness with me (tick)
A few untick ones are
f) have 2 smart boys and a beautiful girl in the future
g) upgrade from condo to a nice landed property suitable for young kids to grow and develop.
h) have a stable flow of side income so as not to need to worry about money ever again


So after working hard to achieve almost all my checklist, why am I still feeling an empty hallow in me?
I think I found the answer to that question.
Its because all the material checklist pales in comparison to the happiness I will feel when my loved ones are happy. Because ultimately, I'm a person who links his happiness with the happiness of others. The greatest thing I'm thankful for is that the person that matters to me also link her happiness to mine. So in a certain sense its a good thing as well as a bad thing. In the programming world, this is like a recursive loop.
In a control system, it's a positive feedback mechanism. A positive feedback mechanism is a double edged sword. It could spiral upward or downwards.
When happiness is being fed into the system, the amount of happiness will just multiply. Whenever she smiles, or shares a joyful moment with me, everything that surrounds me will brighten up.
However, the converse is also true, sadness and emptiness will also propagate thru the system just as quickly. When your loved ones are down in the dumps, in a quarter life crisis, or are in fact searching for their own definition of happiness, I will ultimately feel for them and hope that they will be happy again.
Because in the end of the day, her happiness is also my happiness.

During these times, I'll always remember the words from Ajahn Brahm "This too shall pass". Life is full of ups and down and we just need to learn to ride thru it without getting too attached.